Nothing Remains The Same.

It wasn’t until the next day that it broke me in half. After everything I’d been through the last several years, nothing brought me to my knees like that morning did. I was never sadder. It was of course a dismal Monday, and I was all alone in a vacant sub-division; a result of the housing collapse, mowing the right-of-way and main entry into an empty community.

empty-subdivision

There wasn’t a soul around, only two completed houses in a development that should have been several hundred homes; with swing sets, and mini vans parked under basketball hoops mounted on poles to the side of the driveways. Instead I was walled in by acres of cornfields. I drove the riding lawn mower over to the pickup truck and trailer to refuel. After I turned off the engine of the mower, the silence and loneliness of that moment sliced through me in the most intense and eerie way.

I sat along the shoulder of that lonesome country road and it all came crashing back at me; the time in prison, the bankrupted business, the time missed with my family, the hopelessness of my career. It wasn’t just that Shaun had left and I knew he would never live at home again. But I realized that nothing would ever be the same. And oh how badly I wanted it to be the same. Oh how I wished I could go back and do it over again. And now reality was staring me in the face, and the truth lay bare before me.

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